I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
