So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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