Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
