HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
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I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
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pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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