Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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