My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
