having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize