i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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