watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
