a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
