I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
