all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
