Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
