Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
