so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
