Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
