She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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