Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
