the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
