evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
