she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
