That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
