hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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