I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
