Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
