Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
