I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
