are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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