we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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