omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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