So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
