I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I miss vodka workout Fridays
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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