I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
