i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, beer. Big fan.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
