sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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