exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
