Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Randomize
