That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
