Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
