Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Your penis caused this!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
