I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
