hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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