i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
