Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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