i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
