The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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