I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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