Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
