Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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