I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
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Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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