so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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