I can tuck mytits in my pants
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
