So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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