you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
