i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
