I must be too annoying 4 u.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
