You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Too much gin, very little bucket
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
