i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
