I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
