I want to make a zoo with you.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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