on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
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