I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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