I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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