I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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